Pete’s Perspective #8: Just Start

There is a really basic strength-training exercise called a deadlift. For those who don’t know what a traditional deadlift is, there is a bar with weights resting on the ground; you bend forward at the knees and waist to grasp the bar and then use lots of muscle groups to return to standing and bring the weight with you. Because you’re using big muscle groups and the lift itself is just a short, simple, vertical movement, you can really use a lot of weight when performing a deadlift. In fact, athlete’s training for brute strength can likely deadlift more than double their own bodyweight. (That is definitely not me!) But, one thing that is interesting about the deadlift is that the very hardest part of the exercise is breaking the initial inertia of the weights resting on the ground. I often find that even with a daunting amount of weight (for me, 225 lbs.), I can easily do several repetitions of the exercise if I can simply get the bar off the ground for the first rep.

In this way, the deadlift is a good metaphor for a lot of hard things in life. When we allow the daunting nature of a task to overwhelm us, we develop this strong sense of dread. But, if we could just break that initial inertia and get started, in many cases I think we’d find ourselves getting into a rhythm and actually finding some ease and enjoyment from a task we thought would be horrible. The key is to just start!

I can’t write about this without giving a shout out to my friend Doug. He is a very disciplined runner and exerciser, but like many of us, often the only time he can squeeze exercise into his day is very early. He has his own version of “just start.” He says that when his alarm goes off super early and he doesn’t feel like getting up and exercising that day, he enforces a “five-minute rule” on himself. He has to get up, put on his workout gear, and go exercise for five minutes. If he still feels exhausted, he can then stop and go back to bed. “Just do five minutes!” he says. Of course, most days, after five minutes, the endorphins are starting to pump and all the sudden the exercise feels invigorating rather than tiring. “Just do five minutes” is Dougie’s way to just start!

I find that this concept of breaking inertia applies to so many areas of my life, from big things to the smallest little chores. When I ruminate on a task my sense of dread grows. When I dive in and get started, I find feelings of confidence, empowerment, and sometimes even enjoyment in an activity that seemed either impossible or miserable before I began.

So today I challenge myself and you: whenever you have something in your life that you need to address–whether it is a giant project like taking control of your health and fitness or a simple task like cleaning up the kitchen after hosting a dinner with friends–just start! Don’t let the daunting nature of the task mean that the metaphorical weights just stay rooted to the ground. Break the inertia. Pick them up. You might just find yourself absorbed in the challenge, feeling strong and capable, and enjoying something you once looked upon with misery.

Pete’s Perspective #7: Don’t Be Afraid To Take Time Off

I have to come at this with some honesty…

I said in the beginning that I was writing Pete’s Perspective NOT as an expert on any of these topics, but rather as someone trying to learn and grow and improve. That has absolutely been the case with each idea I’ve discussed, but it is particularly true this week.

We hear it all the time that the harder you work, the more you’ll get out of something. I have really internalized that advice, and I work hard at my golf and at all the areas of life that are important to me. I’ll push and push and push searching for that little bit extra that might help me accomplish just a little bit more.

I’ve never regretted that for a second. I truly believe that a lot of what I have achieved is because of hard work. It really is one of the most satisfying things in life to see progress made through dedicated and intentional effort, so please don’t take this week’s Pete’s Perspective as me advising that anyone should not pursue his/her goals with passion, discipline, and tireless hard work.

BUT, one element of hard work that I have never been good at acknowledging is intentionally recharging. Throughout my professional golf career, I have competed more than five consecutive weeks several times. That’s not always a bad thing, as sometimes when everything is clicking both on and off the course, the weeks can fly by and seem effortless. But, I’ve also found that I can stay out there out of stubbornness, too. Determination to dig out of a hole often agitates the hole and just makes it deeper. Sometimes I could benefit from resting for a bit and using the stillness to help me come up with a good plan for climbing out of the hole.

Don’t be afraid to take time off. Sometimes rest and a recharge can be just what we need to have the energy and the clarity to go out and accomplish greatness.

Note a key distinction: intentionally taking time off is not the same thing as being lazy. Laziness is an unwillingness to do that which is necessary to be great. Taking time off is an intentional step in the process of greatness.

In the quest for greatness, significance, and contentment, I would definitely recommend that your default setting be “hard work.” It is important, however, to always maintain a holistic awareness of how you’re doing, and when it is required, be open to intentionally taking some time off.

Pete’s Perspective #6: Embrace Change

My last post is based around the idea that an enduring positive attitude can be achieved when one seeks to feel content rather than pursuing the fickle emotion of happiness. This week, I’ll attempt to add a layer to this strategy.

Last week I defined a feeling of personal contentment as “being satisfied with what one is,” and then went on to explain that one can experience disappointment, sadness, frustration, and other emotions that are broadly considered negative while still feeling a strong sense of contentment. I know that to be true theoretically, but it is hard to understand experientially because our emotions feel so pervasive that we often think they are permanent.

But, impermanence is a fact of life. In trivial examples, we feel sad because a friend hurts our feelings but then feel elated at the laughter of a child. We feel discouraged after watching a half hour of bad news but then feel hopeful after witnessing small acts of kindness in our communities. In an even more trivial example, I’ll have a poor performance one week and feel frustrated with my golf game and then find “the zone” a couple weeks later and feel certain that I’m on my way to being the best player in the world. Our experiences and our emotions are constantly changing. In the most drastic example of impermanence, we see life created by birth and then taken away by death, but one can rest assured that constant change will mark the time in between as well.

By embracing change, we can more gracefully move through the life’s disappointments because we know they are impermanent, and more thoroughly enjoy life’s pleasures because there is no stress to hold on to them. One who embraces change knows that things will come and go and be back again and can live at peace through the highs and the lows.

I want to be very clear about one thing here: I am NOT advising that we should just sit passively and take whatever life throws our way. I think we should absolutely be working to create positive experiences in every area of our lives over which we have control. My point is that even when we do our best, the ebbs and flows of life will still exist, and embracing change will allow us to see more clearly the things we can control and those we cannot and to live more contentedly with both.

Remember the simplified definition for contentment I gave last week. If I am living in a way that I feel satisfied with what I am, I can have a great sense of peace even through bad experiences. So that is my challenge to myself: to live in way that I feel satisfied with what I am. That means working to be the best husband, father, person, and golfer that I can be.

By embracing change, I give myself an additional layer of protection in the search for contentment.

Pete’s Perspective #5: Contentment vs. Happiness

Several people–ranging from some of my closest friends to strangers that I hardly know–comment to me that I’m always positive. Often, they want to know the keys to my positive attitude. In a funny moment, I played on this consistent feedback by choosing “If You’re Happy and You Know It (Clap Your Hands)!” when the Tour event in New Orleans let us choose ‘Walk-Out’ songs on the first tee a couple years ago. But the truth is that I don’t have to be happy to be positive, and neither do you!

I should start by saying that I have a really great life. I grew up with and still have a truly AWEsome family. I’m married to the love of my life and we have an amazing little boy. Though I have felt what it is like to be a broke mini-tour player, I’ve never really been desperate for anything. I say all that just to say that my essential needs for safety, security, and connection are pretty well met and always have been.

But, in fact, I’m not always happy. Life is hard sometimes, and things don’t go well sometimes. Sometimes it stinks. Sometimes I’m not happy.

But I can always be content. The first part of the definition of the word “Content” says:

Satisfied with what one is

I try to live my life in a way that I can go to bed each night fulfilling that definition. The great thing about that is, I can have a rough day on the course, and still be satisfied with what I am. It doesn’t mean I’m happy. I can be angry, sad, and disappointed but still go to bed satisfied with what I am. Even in the midst of real hardship or grief, one can still feel satisfied with what he or she is. It is very possible to experience emotions often perceived as negative from a place of contentment.

In general, I think I’m a very content person. This contentment comes from a sense of giving my best effort in every area of life that is important to me. I feel like I’m giving my best effort to be a good person, a great husband, a loving father, and a successful professional golfer. When I give my best effort in these areas, I may not always find happiness as a result, but I can go to bed each night feeling satisfied with what I am.

Happiness is certainly a wonderful thing to feel and a worthy striving, but happiness can be fleeting and unfulfilling if it doesn’t come from a baseline level of contentment. If we pursue contentment–that feeling of being satisfied with what we are–then I think we will feel more positive all the time and will likely find a lot more happiness along the journey as well. This, I believe, is the answer to the question I often get asked: “Why are you always so positive.” Contentment is a better goal than happiness alone.

Pete’s Perspective #4: Be Your Best (Not Somebody Else’s)

I happened across an amazing quote the other day.

“If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we believe others to be happier than they are.”

This is attributed to the French philosopher Montesquieu, who lived in the first half of the 1700’s. I find this to be an amazingly astute observation, and one that has surely become even more relevant in the modern age of social media.

The problem with comparing ourselves to others is that we often compare ourselves at our worst to others at their best without realizing that is happening. If we’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, sad, or just not quite good enough, that feels like our “normal” in those moments. Then, when we see friends, peers, rivals, or even strangers depict scenes of perfection and happiness, whether in real life or on social media channels, we naturally assume that must be their “normal” as well. It can be a recipe for even more stress, sadness, and feelings of inferiority.

This has played out in my life frequently. At times when I’m struggling with things on the golf course, I’ll see highlights on social media of the guys who are on top of their games and feel so inadequate as a professional golfer. I’ve even been guilty of watching my competitors on the range and on the course at tournaments and comparing my game to theirs. The thing is, anytime that comparison has made me feel really down, it’s because I’m unknowingly comparing a dip in my performance cycle with a peak of theirs.

What is the antidote to this way of thinking? Focus on being your best, not better than someone else. Now, I realize as much as anyone that it’s a competitive world. Trust me on this, if I’m not better than two-thirds of the guys I play against each week, I go home without a paycheck, so I realize the obvious temptation to compare myself to others. But, the best way for me to achieve what I want in my career and my life is to focus on being the absolute best version of myself that I can be.

This doesn’t mean that we can’t ever watch and learn from what others are doing. That is actually a very wise thing to do, but there is a big difference between enjoying, appreciating, and learning from what others do and destructively comparing our own worth to them. This nuance requires awareness and the intentionality to be your best.

In The Little Mermaid, when Ariel is dreaming ceaselessly of having a life on the land, Sebastian sings to her, “The seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake.” My challenge to myself and to each of you is to simply focus on making our own metaphorical seaweed as green as it can be. At times, others will have greener seaweed than ours, but if we resist the temptation to compare and simply live with a steady effort and commitment to be our best, we will ultimately find success and will have peace, contentment, and happiness along the way.

Focus on being YOUR best self, not someone else’s.

 

Pete’s Perspective #3: Have a Healthy View of Perfection

I have an incredibly distinct memory from early in my professional golf career. It was the Fall of 2009. I was fresh out of the University of Missouri and blissfully ignorant of the challenges that lay ahead of me. After one last summer of amateur golf, highlighted by a win in the Tennessee Amateur Championship, I turned pro, paid my huge entry fee, and started the PGA Tour’s qualifying tournament known as Q-school. I breezed through the pre-qualifying stage and actually won at my first stage site. Knowing what I now know, that was a great accomplishment, but at the time, I didn’t really recognize anyone at first stage, so I just thought it was kind of “ho-hum, this-is-easy, on-we-go.” Then, a few weeks later, I showed up at the second stage of Q-school. Success here would mean a spot in the final stage and guaranteed membership on either the PGA Tour or it’s minor league circuit, at the time called the Nationwide Tour. When I arrived to play my first practice round, I was shocked. There were at least 20 guys there that I recognized as PGA Tour players I had watched on TV. I have a vividly real memory of feeling that I would have to be perfect–PERFECT–to advance on to the final stage.

To give that story closure, I was far from perfect. I actually played quite poorly under the crippling attempt to be perfect and still missed advancing by only four shots at the end of the 72-hole competition. Of course I didn’t need to be perfect, but I distinctly remember thinking I needed to be.

I read a book recently (What Made Maddy Run, by Kate Fagan) in which there is an amazing story about perfection. Fagan tells of a lecture delivered by a New York City preacher named Maurice Boyd. Boyd presents three views of perfection.

First, there is the process that Waterford Crystal goes through. After a Waterford Crystal piece is completed, it is viewed under intense magnification and scrutinizing light. If a single imperfection is found, the entire piece is smashed to slivers and the process must begin again.

Secondly, Boyd speaks of how potters mold fine works of art from their clay. If an imperfection occurs during the process, it can be shaped and molded to either remove the imperfection or embrace it as an integral part of the work. The beauty and functionality and worth of the piece is not hindered by an imperfection along the way.

Finally, Boyd tells of how the finest oriental rugs in the world are woven by hand through the painstaking work of their creators. During this process, imperfections and asymmetries always occur, but rather than being viewed as a problem to be solved, these imperfections are seen as the source of each rug’s own uniqueness, beauty, and value.

How different could my experience in 2009 have been had I taken the potter’s or the weaver’s approach to perfection instead of the Waterford Crystal maker’s view?

Accepting that imperfections are a part of life allows you to better respond to them. It also helps you keep a broader perspective on things. To give a golf example, when I won the Sanderson Farms Championship back in 2015, I hit several poor shots. I distinctly remember an approach shot into a hazard during the first round, a sloppy three putt during the final round, and several other blunders along the way. But I was always able to respond appropriately to the imperfections, and I can honestly say that that week concluded… PERFECTLY.

I know that all of us who are high-achievers try to be perfect in a lot of ways. As I was preparing to become a father last year, I was reading everything I could and trying to make sure I was perfectly prepared to give my son or daughter (son, as it turned out!) a perfect life. Then I heard the most brilliant piece of advice: “Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. He/She needs a happy one.” So good! The Waterford Crystal view of absolute and objective perfection is just a razor thin line from despair. The potter and the weaver keep things in a broader perspective and are able to adapt and respond and create a perfect piece because of the imperfections experienced along the way.

During this challenging time, you may feel like you need to do everything perfectly–that you should never feel frustrated or impatient or stressed or scared. But remember, it is our responses to imperfections and our ability to keep our eye on the big picture that will allow us to thrive in the end. Have a healthy view of perfection.

Pete’s Perspective #2: Don’t Just Have a Goal; Have a Plan

Last week in my first installment of Pete’s Perspective, I talked about how I am trying to keep my focus on the things I can control. Here we are a week later, and the things I can not control are still holding steady. I don’t know when the PGA Tour will pick up again, and I don’t know exactly what the schedule will look like when it does. (One thing I do know is that the 2020 Masters Tournament will be played in November, and I will not be there because the tournament field that was scheduled to play in April will have no additional invitations extended for its new November date.) That last bit stings a little but is something over which I no longer have any control, so I will not spend a single moment worried about it. I will focus on the things I can control, which are ensuring that I am ready to compete when golf does return and earning my spot in the next 30 or so Masters Tournaments.

This week, I’m going to take last week’s perspective a bit further and talk about an important distinction. Throughout my life in a variety of areas I have heard people speak of the importance of having goals. We even have expressions that have become cliches about the topic of goals: “Shoot for the stars!” and “Chase down your wildest dreams!” come to mind. And I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told to set lofty goals and to “write them down in a placer where you’ll see them everyday.” I’m a big fan of all of these concepts. I think dreaming big and setting lofty goals and writing them down are all important steps on the road to achievement.

But, goals are not enough. I can’t just have a goal and carry on with my life and expect to get to it. A goal needs to have an accompanying plan. A goal says “this is what I want to achieve.” A plan says “this is how I’m going to do it.” The goal provides the motivation and the vision; the plan provides the day-to-day directions to make it happen. This relates to last week’s concept a lot because even though goals are an incredibly healthy thing to have, we must pay more attention to following the plan–something of which we have total control–than the end goal. Following the plan with daily discipline and focus will put us in the best possible position to achieve our goals.

In my life, this concept looks generically like this: I currently have a goal to qualify for all of the majors and all of the World Golf Championship events by the 2022 season. That is my goal. My plan is to follow a weekly schedule of tasks that includes everything from good sleep habits and being a good husband and father to the fine details of my golf practice regimen. The goal provides a huge motivation, but ultimately what I control is my daily discipline to the plan.

I know a lot of us are currently living a bizarre life as we stay at home and practice social distancing. During this time, you may set a goal to get in better physical shape before returning to the busyness of our normal lives. If that’s your goal, that’s wonderful. If your goal is something else entirely, that’s great. But what is your plan to achieve it?

Pete’s Perspective #1: Focus on Things You Can Control

I’m going to use this time away from tournament golf to try to improve a lot as a dad, husband, human being, and golfer. During this period, I’m going to try to post once a week on here with a new series, Pete’s Perspective.

To be clear, the things that I’ll discuss here are not topics that I’ve mastered and am trying to teach you. Rather, they will be simple ideas that are difficult to remember when we get in real life situations. I’m writing this more for myself than for anyone else, but if these posts happen to make a positive difference for you, that would be wonderful.

I want to start with a concept that is so incredibly simple on paper yet very difficult in the midst of a challenging situation. Focus on things you can control, and let go of things you cannot. I think this advice makes a ton of sense, but when we’re under stress, it can be hard to follow. If we’re willing to make the choice, though, perhaps we can do something to help ourselves during challenging times, or, at the very least, keep things from spiraling out of control.

In varying degrees, we’re all feeling the harsh effects of the Coronavirus. It’s a situation that is leaving lots of people feeling helpless and scared. And I absolutely know that this is affecting everyone differently. Some are probably seeing very little light at the end of the tunnel right now, but, however slight, I truly believe that each of us still has control over certain elements of our lives during this time.

For me, I can’t control when the PGA Tour will play again. I can’t control the revamped schedule once we are able to begin. I can’t control the economic effects that this situation is having on the Tour’s corporate partners. These are all major considerations right now in my life, but I have no control over them. What I can control is the way I use this time away from competitive golf. I am going to focus on being a good citizen and keeping my family healthy by staying home as much as possible. I’m going to focus on being a great husband and father and soaking up this extra time at home with Alicia and Hatcher. I’m going to focus on doing as much gym and golf work as possible in my basement so I will be prepared to compete whenever it is again safe to gather in public.

I’m certain that many of you face a bleaker picture and more uncertainty than me, but look for opportunities where you have control and take it. Energy spent on worry about things we can’t control is energy wasted. Focus on the things you can control!

Hatcher Knox Malnati!!

Hi, everyone! Meet Hatcher:

I can honestly say, I’ve never left for a golf tournament and not been excited to go play, but as I sit at my gate this morning to start the journey to Mexico–with a 30 hour stop in Jacksonville, Florida, for some prep work–I have very mixed emotions. I am excited to go back to work and compete. I absolutely love my job. BUT, I’m not happy to leave Alicia or this little stud.

For the past three weeks, I’ve been welcomed to all the joys of parenthood. I’ve been peed on and spit up on pretty much daily, and I’ve even been pooped on a time or two. We’ve gone from being solid 7-8 hour per night sleepers to being thankful for two or three two-hour blocks of sleep throughout the night. Yet, I’ve never felt more energy or been happier! It is the most amazing feeling.

Alicia is such a rock star. She handled labor and delivery like a champ. Her recovery is going fairly well, but she has struggled with issues caused by her milk coming in too strongly. The good news is she has plenty of supply for little man, who is a good eater, but she is in a lot of discomfort and at times a bit feverish. That has meant that Daddy gets to spend a lot of time with baby Hatcher and do all of the non-feeding tasks. I always thought diapers and spit up and messes would be things that I wouldn’t like, but it’s amazing how much I don’t mind any of that stuff when I get to be with that little man. In fact, it’s all been great. I’m so thankful for all the time I got to spend with him in his first three weeks, and I can’t wait for more!

For now, I’m going to go do my part and be the best golfer I can be for my family.

Thank you for being excited with us! Keep it here for updates from the golf journey and the journey of a lifetime with this new little boy.

 

Quick Update

It’s now imminent! Haha, baby Malnati is due on October 26, but Momma thinks it might be appearing sooner. We are absolutely beside ourselves with excitement!

My last event before becoming a father–The Houston Open–was filled with excitement, too. I played solidly all week with some stretches of brilliance. I led by two shots after the first two rounds, battled hard to stay in it on Saturday, and then opened my round on Sunday well enough to grab a share of the lead late on the front nine. I made a few mistakes and then had an absolute nightmare on the last green, so I tumbled down the leaderboard and finished tied for 17th, but it was incredibly cool to play so well.

I actually felt some juices flowing that hadn’t flowed in quite a while, and the best part is that I genuinely felt like I was right where I belonged. Even though the tournament finished on a very sour note, I really felt in control, confident, and prepared to take care of business. I truly believe that I’ll be back in that position several times this season and that I’ll be prepared to finish strongly.

Right now, though, my focus is on being prepared to welcome baby Malnati into the world. Alicia and I just can’t wait to hold our son or daughter. And I can’t wait to share a picture of our ultimate trophy. Stay tuned, as my next post will probably include that picture! Thank you for following me and for your loyal support!